bunk beds and bricks

Over the weekend, I bundled up with 20-30 20 to 30somethings at the Charlotte/ONE volunteer retreat. It was a wonderful 36 hours filled with old and new friends, throwback youth group games, fruitful brainstorming and worship sessions, and obviously, bunk bed pillow talk.

I’m consistently caught off guard by the exponential manner in which Charlotte/ONE has impacted and continues to influence my life. They were the conductor by which I met my friends, as well as my church, Renovatus. Charlotte/ONE consistently provides an anchor for me in Charlotte with new opportunities to serve and flourish.

Mike Hall, [kick butt speaker and all around cool dude] shared during worship about how we are all haunted by words and experiences – and that we can’t silence those ghosts, but the holy Spirit (when we invite Him) can.

I felt stuck and silent and weighed heavy in my core.  I knew that the spirit would clear the air if I asked him too, but because of my selfish and sinful choices lately – I had built a wall that I felt was tall enough to hide my mess from Him [in the words of Cher from clueless, AS IF].  As a means of processing I wrote the following:

I’ve built this barricade with bricks of bad decisions
and with mortar of guilt and regret. The ghosts slipped through and haunt the hollows of my undiscipline. I should ask them to leave but I’m afraid of the empty spaces they leave behind.

I know. Bummer. [Sidebar: us artsy types can take it pretty dark.] There is a happy ending however. The good news, the Holy Spirit courts me more sweetly than the ghosts and the minute I begin to pivot towards Him, He joins me in this messy place while we try to sort through it together.

“The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air” Romans 8:2